Journal #?

 

They look out of their cage as if barren I don’t know what ever..

. If youre going to stay up might as well do something useful like writing exercising the barin. Brain is dead need water blah blah galevanting around. I feel the jobberish.. ‘’

I spend time doing things. I exhaust myself and then im tired. Im tired so I stay with my mother, and we do stuff, talk, eat. And then everyone goes to bed. I feel bad. Bad because I stayed up too late, and I could’ve got ready to bed early, but thought to keep her company. I thought she might be like me and feel lonely if you just leave her sitting in the room – maybe that isn’t even the case. You know when you go to do something, like watch a cooking show, and everyone is on their phone, or pc. You know how that feels. I feel it, and im only in my 20s. The hours she spent, the attention the love and care, the strainful afternoons, depressing mornings, and long tiring nights. The Sacrifice. Why would I do that, and woe…. I hate the times ive been disrespectful and selfish. But when the day comes, you forget what it was like to sit in bed and remember and cry. Until the night covers over again. It just comes all closer, and feels real at night; life is short. And everything seems closer. I should get to bed but I have too much to say, and my eyes just want to shut. The spider, the Panini sandwiches, the cold, the sudden visit, and that cauliflower that sat in the back corner of the fridge this morning.

Maybe green lights mixed with white, and then im off.

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