Gliding Hovercraft

Type: Exercise – Describe a Child.
Time: 20 minutes

He’s a reasonable one. Chasing flies with deedi – a funny cheeky smile on his face. He’s gentle, soft and loves his brother, unless mummy picks brother up – then he’s the vicious enemy. White with a tint of pink. Crab cheeks are always red. Loves my cakes and can’t stand disrespect. Together; they’re chubby and thin like laurel and hardy. Crazy about his mother, and wont settle for anyone less than mother. He’s the kind you find in a CenterPoint magazine. “doing doing going”. When he poops he turns into a monster – a misunderstood one. Tattooed himself with pencil. Proper. His sister uses his head as a bench to pour on all her disastrous experiments like milk, and sometimes soap When he’s tired he fights it, and instead starts to put on his naughty face, it is part of the routine, don’t learn our lesson. Not me, nor him. The next day the same thing. If you’re tired go to sleep, you don’t ear sugar.

He loves girls’ cartoons. On the wedding day, he asked to put on (or demanded) that I put lip gloss on him as she had. I didn’t know what to do. Lip gloss is not for boys, and never will be. But this thing doesn’t know that. And she ran out flying, curtain sideways and the white dress deway. If you grab something from him without permission, or force him to do something, he will remember you. Don’t even need to say please, just ask don’t grab it out of his hands. That’s what his sister doesn’t understand. Because shes still a toddler too. Problems. I think hes going to be a chunky old meat . His favourite foods are chips, olives and tees (cheese), that little rat he is. Of course theres the milk. That milk that has messed up Nemos house. You’d need to write a series of books called “101 things we might be able to solve if we weaned the kids off milk”
“Digg-ely” is the first thing that you hear – it’s our doorbell. You can know they’re here when you hear diggly diggly.  Is he phobic about coming in walking so you need to lift him? When he’s in a bad mood he can hit you and spit maybe, but just cry and he’ll come kiss you, on your feet, hand, anywhere you tell him to. He can give in, just be respectful – he’s funny, really funny. What else about him. Yeah cars, motorbikes, he loves all that stuff. And then theres men. Hes obsessed with men. They say men come down to the childs level, literally, and that is why they find them fun. He likes you after a few minutes after he comes in – he cant stand the sight of me some mornings. I changed his nappy the last time, and he didn’t like that. Maybe it was offensive. He found it offensive, maybe. His hair is straight and stiff, he has little teeth, and a loud loud cry. Incase I didn’t already mention it; never take things from him if you didn’t ask. He gets teased a lot. He wears baggy jeans and jumpers. In summer he ran around in barabtootoos or whatever. He’s scared of his cousin, and remembers her every time he covers himself with that piece of sheet, but again, he mentions her, then pauses, then says her name again with a no at the end. Girls at that age can be a little scary. His feet; how could I…have forgotten about them. Square boxes – watch him twirl the swing in knots and then turn around, around and around – his feet sideways like an air- landing ninja. When he runs he glides like a hovercraft making its way ashore. I could write a book about his short legs, they’re creative.

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